Perpetrators Of The Crime

Perpretrators of the Crime
Tori Spelling, Sean Devine, Danny Strong
Directed by John Hamilton
Lion’s Gate
85 minutes

You know you’re in trouble when the best actor in a movie is Tori Spelling. The only reason you would want to watch Perpetrators Of The Crime, a movie about stupid criminals, is because you are an X Files nut and can’t get enough of William B. Davis, the cigarette man, who plays Henderson in this attempt at crime comedy. It is hard to figure out if the perpetrators of the crime here are the actors who must have slaughtered quite a few hams while filming this movie, the people who funded this low-budget Canadian B movie, or the people who actually released it.

Tori Spelling plays Lucy, a young woman kidnapped by stupid criminals Ed (Sean Devine) and Phil (Danny Strong) at the suggestion of their buddy Jones (Mark Burgess). The plan is to ransom the victim’s father (William B. Davis) so they can all continue going to college. Problem is they kidnapped the wrong girl, went to the wrong hide out, and Henderson knows his daughter has not been kidnapped. To add to the situation, the wrong hide out has no food, Jones does not know where Ed and Phil are, and Lucy has some kind of psychotic problems that only her pills, left behind during the kidnapping, can control.

Perpetrators Of The Crime could have been a funny crime comedy. This is a decent plot, the writing is not that bad, there are a few funny situations here and there. There are attempts at dark comedy like when Henderson asks for his supposedly kidnapped daughter’s index finger as proof. There are also some funny moments like when Ed uses Phil’s philosophy textbook as toilet paper and the interaction between dumb crooks Ed and Phil is fun (but would have been hilarious with better actors). There is the interesting plot twist here and there to keep you interested.

Unfortunately, nobody in Perpetrators Of The Crime can really act. They sure do try hard but it just becomes painful to watch after a while and you are left trying to figure out if you will sustain the pain to know how this could have been funny crime comedy ends. The only decent actor in this turkey is Marc Camacho in the minor role of a redneck hunter who comes to the cabin for about five minutes.

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